“I REMEMBER HEARING YOU ONCE SAY, MR. DARCY, THAT YOU HARDLY EVER FORGAVE, THAT YOU RESENTMENT ONCE CREATED WAS UNAPPEASABLE. YOU ARE VERY CAUTIOUS, I SUPPOSE, AS IT BEING CREATED.” - Elizabeth Bennet at Netherfield Ball
The essence of the conversation boiled down to how I should be happy she is happily married, and not lament on how I am not. The thing is, I am not lamenting. I rather like being single, except being single on Single Awareness Day can be frustrating. After all the misunderstandings were worked out, she said to me something that really was one of the best compliments I could have hoped for. She said that when she writes a romance novel, she can draw on her healthy relationship with Andrew, whereas when I write a romance novel, I do not have that kind of experience to draw on and so it takes a much higher level of creativity.
So I thought about that for a few days. I did not have a husband who was romantic or sentimental. In fact, I was hard pressed for him to ask me how my day was let alone give me an opinion on my dinner I cooked for two hours. Now that I have been divorced for over two and a half years, I suddenly got hooked on writing romance novels. Is it wishful thinking that I might find my own Mr. Darcy? That is partly correct. I think more than anything, it just comes down to what it really means to create. To create means: to cause to exist; to bring into being. So in a way, simply writing what I would have wanted my husband to say or do was me simply creating something and paving the road to my own future. I am bringing my Mr. Darcy into being. To create also means: To give rise to or to produce through artistic or imaginative effort. I think although I would love to say I was more talented than my published sister, who admits she draws on her personal experience to write her romance novels, I do not think I can say that. Perhaps I can say I am more imaginative. . . and before you jump to any conclusions about my grandiosity, let me explain.
What better motivation is there than opposition? I have had to endure a marriage that was unhappy and now have the opportunity to redefine what I want in a man. There is really a very short list of “go, or no go” requirements. Two, in fact. If the man does not have these two things, then the relationship is a “no go”. So since I think I am being quite reasonable in my search for Mr. Darcy, while I wait for him, I get to date him in my fictional novels. I get to hear him say all the things I would love to hear. I get to see him do all the things I would love to see him do. So when the right guy comes along, whether his name be Fitzwilliam or not, (I hope not- Fitzwilliam and Jeanna simply does not flow), I will recognize him. So then, if I am writing about someone I hope to find in the future, am I being creative and writing fiction, or do I have superpowers and can write about nonfictional events in the future? Who knows!